Miss Know it All #2

Q: Recently, my best friend of fourteen years and I “broke up.” We are no longer friends, and I am struggling to deal with this situation. What can I do to feel better?

A: Wow… that’s tough. I’m so sorry that you are going through that. I’ve been in a similar situation before, and I understand how difficult it can be. While I’m not sure what exactly caused your “friendship breakup,” I think that it’s important for me to mention this: whether this person wronged you, or you guys simply outgrew each other, neither of you will benefit from holding resentment. You don’t need to forgive this person if they wronged you, and you certainly don’t need to forget them in order to move on and let go. Any hatred will only drain your energy and prevent you from moving forward. While it can hurt to think about the happy times you spent with them, it is important to be thankful that you knew this person and were once in their life. Be grateful for the memories you made with them. Nobody in our lives is permanent, and it is important to remember that. 

Next, you need to establish the current dynamic. Are you still acquaintances? Do you say “hi” and wish each other “happy birthday,” but keep any other conversation minimal? Or are you going to go completely no-contact? For me, I found it easier to stay acquaintances due to the amount of time I see the person. However, it definitely did hurt to speak to this person knowing we used to be close friends. Keep this in mind if you choose to continue speaking. You can always take it slow and start with no-contact, and possibly work towards birthday wishes. There is no “one formula fits all,” so remember this while making your decision.  

Lastly, I recommend feeling out every emotion. Feeling sad? Don’t feel embarrassed to cry. This person was someone you were close to fourteen years, so it would be difficult to go about your day pretending to be fine. However, if you bury your feelings and try to subdue them, it will only prevent you from healing and hurt you in the long run. Spend this time to reflect and grow, and take this as an opportunity to possibly branch out and make new friends. Taylor Swift once said, “everything you lose is a step you take.” While it might hurt right now, just know it will slowly get better over time. I wish you good luck on your journey through navigating this difficult phase!

Love, Ms KIA